Goosfrabba: Not Sweating the Small Stuff

One major side effect of being a Type-A, meticulous, borderline-OCD, overachieving perfectionist is that pretty much everything makes you frustrated and pissed off.  In my ideal world, everything is orderly and organized.  That's just the way my brain operates.  The checkbook is always balanced.  The kitchen is clean before and after each meal.  The house, in general, is always clean.  Things always go according to my ideal timeline and schedule.  Laundry is always caught up.  My car is always clean, inside and out.  (I know, that one's really funny when you have kids.....)  Things should always go according to my perfectly thought-out plans.

To my credit, these personality traits I have come very much in handy in many aspects of life.  Bills are always paid on time.  Our filing cabinet is gloriously organized.  There are no expired medicines in our medicine cabinet or outdated foods in the fridge.  Our taxes are always filed circa February 1st.  No cabinet or closet in my house throws up at you when you open the door.  Heck, even our garage is clean and organized.  However, in other parts of life, my expectations are so ridiculously out of line with reality.  Living with a 2-year-old and a 5-year old, and having an obsession for order and cleanliness go together about as well as the Clampetts and McCoys.  No wonder I've been so stressed out for the past 5 years!

I've met those "other kind" of moms.  The ones who are always chilled and laid back.  They don't get worked up when their kid accidentally pees down the side of the toilet or knocks over an entire cup of orange juice.  They just smile and say, "Oopsie!" in such a kind, understanding voice.  My mother-in-law is one of these people.  Things don't bother her.  She doesn't have a problem relaxing if the dishes from dinner aren't immediately cleaned up.  She can sit and genuinely enjoy watching her granddaughters play on her back patio, even though that usually means they're digging up half of her potted plants.  She has that wonderful ability to stop and enjoy the little moments in life.  I admire that about her.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but at least I'm not alone in my perfectionist predicament.  You know those marriages where the two people are total opposites, so they balance each other out?  Yeah, I don't have one of those.  Sexy Hubby and I are two peas in a Type-A pod.  We're both perfectionists.  We both like order!  And we both get easily spun up when one of our monkeys spills something or makes a mess or doesn't immediately follow our instructions.

After a particularly stressful Saturday last weekend, we found ourselves very spun up and stressed out by all the little imperfections that a day with two little ones inevitably brings.  We realized that we had not enjoyed all the good things about our day together as a family because we focused on all the imperfections of the day.  And then, we had somewhat of an epiphany.  We have to just stop freaking out.  It's that simple.  Just chill.  "Goosfrabba....."  It has to be a conscious decision to simply not get worked up about things that don't really matter.  We decided right then and there to make a commitment to improving our ability to separate the Big Stuff from the Small Stuff.  Throwing the Barbie car at you sister's head = Big Stuff.  Dropping Goldfish on the floor = Small Stuff.  Life is so stressful anyway, and our ridiculous expectations and low stress thresh hold have been making it worse.  Getting angry doesn't make kids any less messy or less noisy.  It only makes us more stressed.  And, to make it easier, we're turning chilling out into a team sport.  We agreed to try to pull each other back from the edge of pissed off, because luckily we're both not usually there at the same time.

After less than a week of our new way of dealing with our emotions, things have been so much better.  Don't get me wrong.  We weren't chronically angry child abusers before or anything.  But we have just made a conscious effort to be more calm.  And in return, I've seen a difference in our girls.  They're more calm too.  And I feel a million times better.  My insides just feel a little more warm and fuzzy without so much stress in my life.  Now, I'm only human.  I'm sure my high-strung tendencies will try to creep back in at times.  And when my daughter crushes my favorite lipstick in its lid or drops her iPod in the toilet, I will do my best to keep my anger in check.  Either way, I'll keep you updated on my progress.  Wish me luck!