Goosfrabba: Not Sweating the Small Stuff

One major side effect of being a Type-A, meticulous, borderline-OCD, overachieving perfectionist is that pretty much everything makes you frustrated and pissed off.  In my ideal world, everything is orderly and organized.  That's just the way my brain operates.  The checkbook is always balanced.  The kitchen is clean before and after each meal.  The house, in general, is always clean.  Things always go according to my ideal timeline and schedule.  Laundry is always caught up.  My car is always clean, inside and out.  (I know, that one's really funny when you have kids.....)  Things should always go according to my perfectly thought-out plans.

To my credit, these personality traits I have come very much in handy in many aspects of life.  Bills are always paid on time.  Our filing cabinet is gloriously organized.  There are no expired medicines in our medicine cabinet or outdated foods in the fridge.  Our taxes are always filed circa February 1st.  No cabinet or closet in my house throws up at you when you open the door.  Heck, even our garage is clean and organized.  However, in other parts of life, my expectations are so ridiculously out of line with reality.  Living with a 2-year-old and a 5-year old, and having an obsession for order and cleanliness go together about as well as the Clampetts and McCoys.  No wonder I've been so stressed out for the past 5 years!

I've met those "other kind" of moms.  The ones who are always chilled and laid back.  They don't get worked up when their kid accidentally pees down the side of the toilet or knocks over an entire cup of orange juice.  They just smile and say, "Oopsie!" in such a kind, understanding voice.  My mother-in-law is one of these people.  Things don't bother her.  She doesn't have a problem relaxing if the dishes from dinner aren't immediately cleaned up.  She can sit and genuinely enjoy watching her granddaughters play on her back patio, even though that usually means they're digging up half of her potted plants.  She has that wonderful ability to stop and enjoy the little moments in life.  I admire that about her.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but at least I'm not alone in my perfectionist predicament.  You know those marriages where the two people are total opposites, so they balance each other out?  Yeah, I don't have one of those.  Sexy Hubby and I are two peas in a Type-A pod.  We're both perfectionists.  We both like order!  And we both get easily spun up when one of our monkeys spills something or makes a mess or doesn't immediately follow our instructions.

After a particularly stressful Saturday last weekend, we found ourselves very spun up and stressed out by all the little imperfections that a day with two little ones inevitably brings.  We realized that we had not enjoyed all the good things about our day together as a family because we focused on all the imperfections of the day.  And then, we had somewhat of an epiphany.  We have to just stop freaking out.  It's that simple.  Just chill.  "Goosfrabba....."  It has to be a conscious decision to simply not get worked up about things that don't really matter.  We decided right then and there to make a commitment to improving our ability to separate the Big Stuff from the Small Stuff.  Throwing the Barbie car at you sister's head = Big Stuff.  Dropping Goldfish on the floor = Small Stuff.  Life is so stressful anyway, and our ridiculous expectations and low stress thresh hold have been making it worse.  Getting angry doesn't make kids any less messy or less noisy.  It only makes us more stressed.  And, to make it easier, we're turning chilling out into a team sport.  We agreed to try to pull each other back from the edge of pissed off, because luckily we're both not usually there at the same time.

After less than a week of our new way of dealing with our emotions, things have been so much better.  Don't get me wrong.  We weren't chronically angry child abusers before or anything.  But we have just made a conscious effort to be more calm.  And in return, I've seen a difference in our girls.  They're more calm too.  And I feel a million times better.  My insides just feel a little more warm and fuzzy without so much stress in my life.  Now, I'm only human.  I'm sure my high-strung tendencies will try to creep back in at times.  And when my daughter crushes my favorite lipstick in its lid or drops her iPod in the toilet, I will do my best to keep my anger in check.  Either way, I'll keep you updated on my progress.  Wish me luck!

Murmurings of a Busy Modern Mommy

My first daughter was born in 2004 when I was 23 years old. Determined to be the quintessential modern mother, I spent the year following her birth getting my real estate license and starting a floral design business with my family. I had this euphoric yet horribly inaccurate vision in my mind of me sitting at a desk at our business working on the computer or making phone calls while my toddler played quietly by herself with toys on the floor beside me. Why didn't someone slap me? I, being an only child with extremely limited babysitting experience under my belt, had horribly underestimated how children require constant and consistent attention. The point is, after trying to be supermom who took her child to work every day for 18 months (and after learning I was pregnant again), I decided I couldn't do it anymore. So, I began my adventure as a stay at home mother, not realizing it would be a journey full of blood, sweat, and tears.

I'll admit it. I was one of those people who would make huge and demeaning assumptions about a woman who was a "stay at home" mom. How hard is that? You stay at YOUR house all day, with YOUR kids, just taking care of them. Awesome! My, what a difference 4 years makes. I'm a tough person. I'm a smart person. I am a meticulous organizer, multi-tasker, time manager, and planner. And although these traits help somewhat in making things run a little smoother, for the most part it matters not.

Before kids, I was that person who enjoyed having control over my surroundings and over my time. I could make my precious to-do lists and follow them, on a time table I liked. I could go to the grocery store on the same day every week. And always get my hair cut every 6 weeks. And always sort the mail every day. And always pay bills on certain days of the month. And always have my toenails perfectly painted. And always have my glass top table perfectly Windex-ed every day. I even had the labels of my canned goods facing the same way. Okay, so I was almost certifiable....

Now, I'm lucky if I get my hair cut every 3 months or so and my glass top table is the greatest nemesis in my life; daily taunting me with its multitude of smudges and fingerprints and caked on pieces of macaroni. Oh, and I can't even find that damn to-do list. And one of the most simple luxuries I miss the most? Going to the bathroom by myself with the door closed! Wouldn't want someone to climb on the couch, fall onto the tile floor, and bust their face open while you take that selfish moment to go relieve yourself.

See the thing about being a stay at home mother is that you get zero down time. You are always on. 24/7/365. Think about that for a minute. ALL the time; no sick or personal days. At 3 am when she wets the bed and needs a bath and new sheets. At 6:30 am on Saturday when they're awake and asking for pancakes even though you're hungover because you actually had a sitter the night before and went out. At 6 pm when dinner's boiling over and the phone's ringing and one girl needs a diaper change and the other INSISTS that you help her find her Pooh Bear right now and you have to go pee because you've already been putting it off for 30 minutes. At 8 am when you have to be somewhere at 9 and you're trying to make them breakfast, put your makeup on, find your brush that they thought it would fun to hide from you, pack the diaper bag, find your cell phone (which they also hid), get them dressed and find that elusive "other shoe", and when you finally get everyone and everything into the car you discover your car needs gas and you forgot to brush your teeth. Seriously, I could go on and on, but I will just stop. It's stressing me out to even think about it, and you probably have your own stories that are better anyway.

And I only have 2 kids who are three years apart! Translation, I've never had more than one child in diapers at one time. I met a woman last week who has three kids and they're all one year apart, and I'm pretty sure my face melted into an expression of awe and admiration as if I had just met a war hero. Seriously--how does she do it and still have her hair fixed and toenails painted??? Amazing...

Now, I realize how this sounds. I guess through this explosion of emotions, I've made my opinion of motherhood sound pretty horrible. This couldn't be further from the truth. It is absolutely the most difficult, stressful, and life changing experience of my life. But it is also the most rewarding, precious, and heart-warming experience of my life. My toddler can knock off a glass bottle of hot sauce onto the tile and make a that-takes-30-minutes-to-clean-up mess, but then she comes and gives me one of those unsolicited hugs and says "momma" and smiles with her blue eyes shining....and my whole world gets instantly sucked into the vacuum of that moment. And it is a precious reminder that life is really not about to-do lists at all.

I started this blog to be a moment of sanity for busy modern moms. I spent so many days home, crying and overwhelmed, and wishing that I knew I wasn't alone. And hopefully this blog can be a place where women can connect, commiserate, and find some useful tips and resources....all without leaving home. Because god knows...between naptimes, breastfeeding, and laundry, you probably aren't getting out much these days.